Life As We Know It 91-95

Life as we know it
Insert 91

My mom and I drove on my mom’s car to Ria’s house. Well the house that once belonged to me too. It was once my home and it will forever be my son’s home. We drove through the gate and there were women preparing food, probably for the guys digging the grave, they usually do it on Wednesdays. I guessed that some of the people were inside the house. Today was just Wednesday anyway and people only heard about the funeral yesterday. My mom parked the car and I sat there feeling the heat overtook me. This was our home, the home we shared.
Me:” what now? What do I do when I walk in there mom? Do I start working with the rest of the women? Do I go inside the house and sit there…what do I do?” I said looking at the women working
Mom:” I don’t think you are in a state to do anything love”
Me:” give me a minute please” she walked out with my son. I saw one of the aunt’s walking to my mom and taking my son as they chat. So Rialivhuwa was really gone, I wished I’d wake up from the dream I was in. I braced myself and got out of the car. I couldn’t look at anyone or wanted anyone to talk to me. I didn’t want to be talked to. I walked past the ladies without saying a word and proceeded inside the house, my house. I looked around and it was still all the same. Ria’s aunt walked to me
Aunt:” owwww my daughter come here” she extended her hands and hugged me. Right there in her arms I let it all out, I sobbed uncontrollably
Me:” he is gone, he left us”
Aunt:” shhhhh its ok love, these things happen and I know how much you loved him….come” she helped me all the way to our bedroom, well what used to be our bedroom. We got to the door and I stood still, she tried to get me to walk but I couldn’t
Aunt:” Andi we know the two of you were divorced but you are his wife to us…you will always be his wife….you are the only wife we know…the mother of our grandson” she helped me in and I walked inside.
There were two more aunts sitting in there. She showed me to the mattress and I sat down and continued crying. I don’t know if it was right for me to sit there. I was no longer with Rialivhuwa, we had divorced but me and him shared a lot. We shared more than just a child. We shared years of being together. My mom walked in and sat next to me. She talked to the other two aunties while I sit there regretting ever meeting the animal called Eugene. I was not sure what sitting here meant. Did it mean that there was no going home until the funeral? Or I’d be going home and coming back here every morning? Either way….i didn’t care what the arrangement were, I was here for the funeral and that’s about it.

***
Eugene had booked a flight to Mexico Tijuana on Wednesday night; he booked it that morning when he was booking the one back to Cape Town. He knew that going to Mexico would at least make him feel better. He had called the family to inform them that he was on his way. He called Tebogo while at the airport waiting for the flight to board. He needed to make sure that his sisters were fine before leaving the country. He had assigned extra security for them. The last thing he needed was anything bad to happen to them. He dialled Tebogo
Tebogo:” hey big bro”
Eugene:” hey little sis, how are you doing?”
Tebogo:” well perfectly fine”
Eugene:” I sense some news coming”
Tebogo:” well…since you didn’t want to talk to Uncle Tom, I talked to him aaaaaand”
Eugene:” aaaaaand?” he giggled a bit
Tebogo:” with the help of a little bribe of course, he agreed” she giggled
Eugene:” mhm you really want this to happen neh? As for getting Uncle Tom to get involved…girl you are skilled” he was now laughing with her
Tebogo:” I am telling you….I meant to call you tomorrow so that we can decide on the date, you should be here so we have to pick a date where you’ll be available”
Eugene:” so your boyfriend and his family are all game?”
Tebogo:” uh huh, we are just waiting on you daddy dearest” he laughed
Eugene:” daddy dearest is quite busy at the moment but can we do it in a month time?”
Tebogo:”yeyyyyy this is finally happening, please you must inform Andani as well and I need the exact date please”
Eugene:” uhm pick any date, as long as it’s a months from now…just let me know which one you picked”
Tebogo:” ok cool, don’t forget to talk to Andani, I need her there please please” he breathed feeling the pain slowly creeping in
Eugene:” you will have to talk to her yourself Tebz”
Tebogo:” what why? You guys are always together mus”
Eugene:” I don’t want to look like I am pushing her too much ok? Please talk to her yourself and it shouldn’t be this week or early next week, she is going through some tough time and she won’t be able to talk to you”
Tebogo:” oww is it still…a….bout the twins?”
Eugene:” I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about this”
Tebogo:” uhm ok I get it, I will talk to her after two weeks then”
Eugene:”cool, let’s talk later then and please send my kisses to our last born” Tebogo giggled
Tebogo:” I will do so” they dropped the call and Eugene sat there thinking about Andani. He knew she was not going to agree to come but better Tebogo to deal with it than him.

After hours of sitting on a flight he finally arrived in Mexico Tijuana. Paps was waiting for him. He suddenly felt excited and it was a great feeling to look forward to something that will make him smile. He walked out to the parking lot while holding his sport bag on his hand. He spotted Paps old car parked at the far-off parking lot. He started smiling walking to the old man who was more like his grandfather. The old man got out of the car as soon as he saw Eugene approaching. He was in his black trousers and a brownish check shirt. His hair was white and he looked like he was on his late 70s, he was quite shorter than Eugene
Paps:” my boy” he said melting into a smile
Eugene:” paps” he said getting to the old man and hugging him for a very long time. He felt at peace while in the arms of someone who was now playing a role of a parent to him. He didn’t want to let go and suddenly he wanted to cry and let go of all the emotions he had been bottling in but he knew he had to be strong; he didn’t want to worry the old man. They broke the hug and Eugene’s eyes were already red
Paps:” you been gone too long” Eugene was already used to the old man’s English, it wasn’t perfect but  it was better….he also had a Mexican accent
Eugene:” I have been busy”
Paps:” girl busy?” he said with a smile
Eugene:” paps?” he tilted his head to the left as if asking the old man not to get into it
Eugene:” damn it, I miss you…where is grams?”
Paps:” home, waiting for you” they smiled
Paps:” you are worried, you don’t look too good” the old man said looking straight into Eugene’s eyes
Eugene:” paps please”
Paps:” it’s the girl, she refused?” Eugene nodded
Eugene:” now please paps let’s not talk about it, I just wanna try and forget” he knew that forgetting Andani wasn’t going to be easy
Paps:” mhm ok I can do forget” he smiled and they got inside the car and the old man started driving
Eugene:” paps you need an upgrade, this thing of yours is a death waiting to happen” they both laughed
Paps:” I have told you why I can’t get rid of this one, my first car from my first job…even Paolo tried to sell it but I always got it back” Eugene shook his head
Paps:” when I die you will bury me in this one” Eugene couldn’t stop laughing
Eugene:” don’t talk about dying, you still have to see my kids and Bella’s kids” he said laughing
Paps:” Bella!!! How is Isabella?” he said as they pass the robots and the old man was busy looking around
Eugene:” she is great actually, she made it to the ladies football team at school” the old man gave him a questioning look, Eugene laughed realising what the old man was horrified about
Eugene:” no no no paps she is not…she is straight….i don’t mean football as in soccer, you know the football they play in the US?” the old man nodded
Eugene:” yeah I am talking about that one. Even if she wasn’t straight, it was not going to make any difference, I’d still love her”
Paps:” I don’t know”
Eugene:” now you are being too old fashioned”
Paps:” that’s because I am old, you want me to be young fashioned?” Eugene was in stitches of laughter and he knew then that coming to Mexico was no mistake. He knew that Rod’s parents were surely going to cheer him up
Paps:” ok Eugy, let’s talk about this before we get home because I know my wife will not give you time of the day….how are you feeling?” he had a serious face
Eugene:” honestly I don’t know”
Paps:” where is she?”
Eugene:” funeral”
Paps:” of the man you killed?” he looked at Eugene briefly and back on the road, Eugene nodded
Paps:” she is not going to forgive” he looked at Eugene briefly again and Eugene didn’t say anything
Paps:” she is a normal girl Eugy, not like Stacy, she don’t understand” Eugene looked at the old man knowing that he was telling the truth
Paps:” so you need to forget her, she is no good for you, she make you look unhappy”
Me:” no I am the one not good or her. Killing the guy was a big mistake, she won’t forget that, ever”
Paps:” sorry boy”
Eugene:” thanks paps”
Paps:” so are you ok?”
Eugene:” paps I don’t know  really. i loved her, well I still do. She’d been my hope, like something for me to look forward to every morning,  Like a breath of fresh air but now that’s gone and now there is one thing I wanna do….you know what I wanna do” he looked away almost in tears
Paps:” that’s why I always say talk to someone, talk to those people who went to school to listen to people’s problems, they will help you. My wife is good with that, she helped you after Rod’s death but you don’t wanna stay here for long and those things take long to go away, you need a….a….a…shrink…yah you need a shrink”
Eugene:” forget it I am not talking to a stranger”
Paps:” but you don’t wanna fall into a trap of playing that game again Eugy, you won’t be able to live with yourself once you are sane….please my boy see someone…do it for me, for my wife, for Bella and for your girl”
Eugene:” but I have been in control lately, I am sure I will be fine” he gave him a serious stare
Paps:” who are you kidding? You don’t want to wake that animal in you, you don’t, so it’s either you find a new hobby… or a new girl I mean to keep you busy or…or you start talking to someone”
Eugene:” another woman is a no no, I will talk to grams and I will go to Rod and Stacy’s graves as well….i will stay here for two weeks talking to grams if I have to, I better talk to her than someone I don’t know”
Paps:” ok that’s better, you’ll have to be back in two months again just to make sure that you are still in check, we don’t want to lose you into that monster ok?” Eugene looked at the old man and rolled his eyes
Eugene:” it’s not that bad and you know that Rod was worse than I ever will be” the old man shook his head
Paps:” you can’t compare yourself to Paulo, he scared me at times”

Life as we know it
Insert 92

Eugene and the old man finally arrived at his home. His wife walked out of the house as soon as she heard the car outside. They didn’t live in a fancy home. It was one of those highly populated locations with high crime activities. Their house had three bedrooms and then a kitchen and a living room but it was nothing fancy.
Grams:” owww my boy” Eugene walked to her and gave her a warm hug
Eugene:” i miss you so much grams”
Grams:” no i miss you much...come come i cooked for you some food” Eugene giggled. He knew the old woman very well
Eugene:” you did? I missed your food while i was away”
Grams:” i told you a long time ago to come stay with us” she took his hand and they walked to the kitchen
Eugene:” nice try grams”
Paps:” now i don’t exist” the old man said following them
Grams:” but i am with you everyday...Eugy just arrived now and we know he is not going to stay long”
Eugene:” well i will try to stay a bit longer....wow it feels good to be home”

So Eugene stayed with Valeria and her husband Antonio and enjoyed the food she prepared. They talked and laughed during the meal. Valeria and Antonio were happy that they had a visitor and even better the visitor was their favourite person Eugene. They stayed together just the two of them so it was always good to have someone visiting them every now and again. After the meal Eugene chilled with them and they talked and laughed. Later that day Eugene asked if he can make rounds by the cemetery but Valeria refused saying that he will go tomorrow, she still wanted to see him.

***
ANDANI

 I spent the day in the house with my son occasionally with me but he spent most of the time with the other family members as everyone was dotting over him. That Evening I called the eldest aunt and informed her that was going home
Aunt:” Andani what are you talking about?, I thought you will be here until the funeral” Andani breathed
Me:” i can’t do that, Rialivhuwa and i were not together anymore and everyone knows that so i can’t sit here the whole week because after the funeral i will be expected to do the rituals of a wife and i was not his wife anymore” the woman looked at her with confusion in her face
Aunt:” i told you this morning that you will always be Rialivhuwa’s wife, now go back there and sit down please”
Me:” with all due respect mama, i can do tha-“ my phone rang at that moment
Me:’ excuse me” i walked past her and out of the house. I didn’t recognise the number that was calling me
Me:’ hello”
Mccarthy:” hey Andani how are you doing?” The hell? Who was this? The voice was very familiar but i couldn’t register it at that moment?
Me:” who is this?”
McCarthy:” you are talking to McCarthy here” of all the days he could have chosen to call me, he chose today....just today nje
Me:” what do you want?” i couldn’t hide the boredom in my voice
McCarthy:” you are supposed to have called me back”
Me:” no i was not supposed to...you said i should call you if i decide to talk and right now i am not in a good space so please just leave me alone”
McCarthy:” listen here ma’am, i know he has been scaring you, giving you threats and all that but we can protect you, we can take you to a safe house until he is behind bars”
Me:” Are you even listening to yourself? Why would he be scaring me? He is my damn fiancée Why would he do that? I just have nothing to share and i am definitely not spying on anyone now leave me the damn alone” i dropped the call and took one deep breath.

These detectives were going to stop at nothing. They still wanted me to spy on him. i had too much to deal with and i honestly couldn’t start thinking about that. I immediately dialled Eugene even though i didn’t wanna talk to him. His phone was off...damn it he said he’d be out of the country, did this mean that he was gone already? I didn’t even know where he went so calling him was not going to happen. I decided to send him an email instead, hopefully he checks it.
“Hi Eugene, sorry for contacting you....anyway i received a call from McCarthy, i don’t know how he got my cell phone number but he have them. He still wanted me to start spying on you but i refused. I am thinking about what you said about how the feds can play this dirty and force me...do you think i should be worried about my family’s safety?”
I pressed send and turned around and walked inside the building. The woman was still insisting that i stay but i told her that it couldn’t be possible...
Well maybe i was not too clear about my real reasons for not wanting to be here, reasons i don’t even want to admit to myself. There were little parts of me that still loved Eugene even after everything he had done, maybe i should say parts that cared about him and i felt that sitting here acting like i was still Ria’s wife was not fair on both of us. Ria knew the truth and i don’t think he would have wanted me to do this. Yes in the morning i was still all emotional and was just happy that the family was supporting me but i had to be real about this. Ria had a woman in his life, maybe women so i didn’t wanna find myself in the position of fighting over him with some girls, i did that while he was still alive and i was still married to him and i didn’t wanna go through anything like that ever again.

We were busy talking when a car pulled up outside. We didn’t really take notice because it was a funeral and people always come in and go. Although the aunt was not happy, she finally agreed to let me go but asked that i come with Omphu the following day. My mom and i were saying our goodbyes when someone walked in through the lounge door...we both looked at the woman who stumbled through the door with a suitcase and wearing some high heels
“ hahhhh finally...hello everyone” she said breathing hard as if she just ran a marathon. I looked at her and i recognised her...she was his girlfriend. See what i mean? I am sure more will still come tomorrow and Friday, this is Rialivhuwa we are talking about
Aunt :” and you are?” the girl smiled
“ Karabo, my name is Karabo...I...I was staying with Rialivhuwa and I’ve been talking to his brother on the phone, he gave me directions” she said giving me a death stare. The woman looked at her for a while without saying a word
Me:” uhm i think it’s my queue to leave” i said that while holding my son’s hand walking out. i walked to the car and waited for my mom who came back a while later
Mom:” you are ok?”
Me:” yah i am” well i was ok, although i was feeling a little bit confused about my feelings. Seeing that girl back there didn’t sit well with me, but i knew she was the rightful person to be there, as for me...i was here for my son.
We got inside the car while i was holding my son and my mom started driving right away. I checked my emails to see if Eugene had replied. And yes he did
“Well, i am not sure if your family is in danger at the moment but just to be safe...i will get some guys to ensure your safety, but you will have to give me your home address for that. As for McCarthy i will have to make a plan to get him off your tail...he’s been to my sisters as well...he really has it in for me but that’s not something you should be worried about. Consider your safety dealt with ok?” a plan to deal with McCarthy? Did he plan on killing the poor man? I felt my body shaking at the thought
Mom:” you’re ok? You look tense?” i gave her a faint smile
Me:” i am fine mom” i decided to reply on Eugene’s email
“ please your plan to deal with McCarthy should not involve killing him or even touching his hair please...i can’t have anyone else dying because of me” i sent the email and felt a headache starting as i thought about the fact that i was indirectly responsible for Ria’s death. His reply was quick
“now that you said it...it won’t” i sighed and looked straight ahead....i remembered that he wanted my home address so i quickly sent it to him

The following day which was Thursday was just a normal day...well not really normal because on normal occasions you don’t go to your dead ex husband’s house. Anyway, i spent my afternoon at Ria’s. My mom was there with my sister too. I was happy to have both of them with me. My son was everywhere and with just anyone. Funny enough, he didn’t want people carrying him so he was walking all over the place...it was as if he could feel that he was really home. Ow yeah Karabo, she was keen on playing some game i wasn’t keen on so i ignored her flat... She tried to come on to me to try and make me mad or ask questions about why i came and all that...so i literally didn’t say anything to her, i had no time for little girls nje plus there was no need to fight over someone who was gone already. I didn’t receive another call from McCarthy and i also didn’t receive anything from Eugene.....so i guess McCarthy was dealt with.

Friday the same thing happened and then Saturday. I didn’t want wake up Saturday morning. It was really sinking in that Rialivhuwa was gone and i was never going to see him again or be bothered by him ever again. So i left for the funeral with my parents...Phumudzo my brother had my son with him, i was in no state to be checking him out. Everything happened so fast and i didn’t really see most of it because i had covered myself and was busy crying the whole time with my parents and my whole family by my side. Karabo was being all dramatic, crying out loud and calling Ria’s name and asking him why he left her. Well maybe she was not really being dramatic, maybe that’s kinda how she cries, I mean I didn’t even know the girl. So the whole service went on fine and buy 10:00 in the morning it was all done and we were back to his house.
I was informed by one of the uncles that Ria’s lawyer wanted to meet with the family members to read out his will. Well i didn’t think i was gonna be in it and i never planned on attending but he insisted that i should be there. Well i was the mother of his only child so it was important for me to attend.

That evening we had a meeting in the house with his lawyer and surprisingly Karabo was also there. I don’t know if they asked her to come or if she invited herself but who knows, maybe she was that important to him. The people in the meeting were myself, Ria’s brother, his eldest aunt, one of his uncles and the girlfriend. The will was read out and everything was divided between me and his brother. Believe me i wanted to run out of that room...the looks i received from everyone were unbearable...even the aunt and the uncle didn’t seem to like me at that moment. He also gave me both his houses because his brother was now owning his late mother’s house...as for the car and everything else, he left them for his brother. I was happy that the boy got a good share of money and i planned on helping him out as well...maybe keep my share for him, i didn’t want to give it to him right away because he had more money that Ria left him...i wanted to keep it for him and maybe if things don’t go well for him then i will give him then. As for the houses...i honestly didn’t want them but i was not sure what i was going to do with them yet.

Life as we know it
Insert 94

A month later

Life was going on and accepting that Rialivhuwa was really gone wasn’t easy but life had to continue. I had promised Ria’s brother that he should contact me whenever he needed help. As for the house, I didn’t want to sell it for one specific reason. It was the only link that my son will have with his dad and I didn’t want to take that away from him but I also figured that I needed someone to stay in there so I got one of Ria’s relatives to occupy the house in one condition….Rialivhuwa’s bedroom or what used to be our bedroom was to stay locked. I don’t know why but somehow I felt like I didn’t want to let anyone into that space. So I wanted to keep it locked for as long as I will be fine with it. After the funeral I cleaned the room and made sure that everything was back in its place. As for the money i received...i decided to invest it, it’s not like i needed it and beside, it wasn’t really mine...i intended on giving it to my son when he was old enough and some of it to his uncle.

For the whole month I didn’t hear from the feds again and that made me believe that Eugene had ‘dealt’ with them. Although I was glad that they were not contacting me anymore, I was a bit curious to know what he had done but I knew what my curiosity brought me last time so I was better off not knowing anything. So it’s been a month and not once did Eugene contacted me...i wondered if it meant that he never thought of me. Well, I know I am the one who wanted to leave and all that but it wouldn’t  have hurt anyone to have him check on me every once in a while nje….because right now it seemed like he was just happy to get rid of me. And ow, I still had his car and planned on giving it back to him when I eventually decide to go back to Cape Town because I still had all my stuff there. Vhusani failed to come for the funeral because of work but shame she came after the funeral and stayed at my house for a weekend before leaving for Cape town again. We always kept in contact.

Anyway I was happy to be home with my parents. I was enjoying being treated like a child again, I was back to being my parents’ last born. My mom was not working anymore, she was a house wife ….if you ask me why she had retired well I don’t know, I think she just wanted to relax and enjoy the money she’s worked all these years. So I was spending all my afternoons with my mom and my son. My parents’ still thought I was depressed so my mom didn’t want me to do anything around the house but the thing is I wanted to do things so that I’d keep my head from worrying and thinking. As for my son, shame he was happy to have me around…I was happy to have him too. And my dad, well my dad had always thought of me as his little girl, I was the last born after all…so he was supportive aaaaaaand he brought me and my son something every day from work. Really it was cute and sweet of him. I think my old man was just happy to have me around I mean after I got married it was just him and my mom…well maybe after I started studying because that’s when I left home so he was excited to have his little girl home again.

It was a usual afternoon on Wednesday when I received a call from Tebogo. This was not the first call I had received from her and Thebeleng,..they had call me few times during the month but I didn’t tell them anything about what happened between me and their brother or about the fact that I was back home. I didn’t want to involve them in my problems with Eugene, I mean if he was not telling them anything then there was no need for me to say anything as well.
Me:“hey Tebz” I finally picked up her call
Tebogo:” hey sis how are you doing?”
Me:”you know…same old same old….good”
Tebogo:” mhm ok that’s good…well today I am not calling you to socialise love,…I need a favour”
Me:” uhm o…k”
Tebogo:” and please please Andi don’t say no” now I was a bit scared of this favour that she wanted to ask.
Me:” can I hear what the favour is about first?” I said with a giggle
Tebogo:” I told you about the fact that the negotiations are happening soon neh?” I started smiling
Me:” uhm well you did” I giggled a bit
Tebogo:” well it’s this weekend”
Me:”whaaaat? And you are only telling me about this now?”
Tebogo:” well, Eugene said you were not in a good space or something along those lines so I took my time” Eugene said that? No wonder the girls had been calling me so regularly….he told them that I was not in a good space
Me:” ow”
Tebogo:” yeah and I would like you to come” no ways
Me:” what? You want me to come? For what though?”
Tebogo:” well Andi….Eugene and Thabeleng are the only real family I have and you have joined that family now. You are the closest thing I have to a mother or a big sister” wow I never expected that
Me:” I will go with a big sister…I am only a year older than you remember?”
Tebogo:” but I am serious Andi….Eugene has been everything to me…more like a dad than a brother and having you with him…it’s a beautiful feeling, like we have a real family, that’s why I am excited to be married…I want to have as big family as I possibly can and you are part of that now” this talk was not good for me, sooner or later Eugene was going to have to tell his sisters the truth about us….he should just tell them that we are over...because i couldn’t deal with this
Me:” thanks Tebz”
Tebogo:” so you are coming? It will be great….you have to help us with the cooking…pretty please”
Me:”Tebogo”
Tebogo:” huh uh please don’t say no…I really want you here…this doesn’t happen every day Andi and I want you to share this day with me, my sister, my friend and my brother please” I rolled my eyes knowing that I was about to make a mistake. Agreeing to go was an obvious mistake
Me:” ok fine then” she screamed and I couldn’t help but laugh
Tebogo:” thank you so much Andi…see you on Friday”
Me:” this Friday? I thought its next week”
Tebogo:” no, not next week, i just told you that it’s this Saturday so you should be here buy Friday”
Me:” uhm o…k”
Tebogo:” ok bye bye I have to tell my lil sister that you agreed” after that call I threw myself on the couch and couldn’t believe that I had just agreed to going to Eugene’s house
Mom:” is there something wrong?” I looked at my mom who was now sitting next to me
Me:” uhm a friend of mine is getting married, well they are doing lobola negotiations and she wants me to come”
Mom:” oww that’s great…I think you should go, where is it happening?”
Me:” Joburg”
Mom:” if you ask me, I say go for it….i will obviously take care of my grandson, I don’t mind”
Me:” thank you mom but I think I should take him”
Mom:” you think it’s a good idea?” ‘
Me:” yeah, I want to take him with me” I thought it was about time that Tebogo and Thebeleng meet my son…well they will be meeting him for the first and the last time

So Friday came and I was going to Gauteng. I don’t know but i was having jitters, like I was not sure if I really wanted to go there but I knew that cancelling was no option. Tebogo would be heartbroken if I cancel so I had to go. My mom kept on saying that she didn’t think it was a good idea to go with my son but I had stayed away from him for far too long and I just couldn’t do it anymore.
Me:” mom I know that look, you don’t have to be worried about him….i am his mom remember? I mean you are acting like he is your son and I am his big sister and you are not sure if I am capable of taking care of him” she smiled
Mom:” I just feel like I will miss him….he is already part of our life”
Me:” I know….see you on Sunday ok?”
Mom:” ok”
I was already in the car and my mom was standing by my window. I had buckled my son at his car seat at the back. He wasn’t sleeping so I gave him some juice to drink so long.
Me:” bye bye granny” I said as i was reversing the car out. My mom waved her hand laughing.
I called Tebogo as soon as I was out of the gate…she said she was eagerly waiting for me…well I couldn’t wait to see her too but there was one person I wasn’t looking forward to seeing.

The drive to Gauteng was fine and thank God my son didn’t cry on the way. I did few stops though because I had to take him to the loo as well as buy him some food. I arrived at Eugene’s at around 2 in the afternoon. Lucky me, the gate was open so I drove in and parked my car at the drive way. I sat there for a while as I brace myself for what was about to happen. I finally got the strength and I got out of the car and went to take my son from the back seat. He was fast asleep shame…so I decided not to disturb him. I carried him making sure that I don’t wake him and walked to the door. I got there and ringed the bell and waited. Few seconds later the door opened.
I looked at the person who opened the door and I felt the air leaving my body, my hair rising and my spine chilling…I was dumbstruck. I didn’t expect to see him yet. Owww my God he looked so yummy and I missed him so so much. He looked at me without saying a word too and damn I couldn’t say anything at all. He grew some beard and it didn’t look bad at all…it actually looked good on him. I don’t know if he had been working out a bit more than usual because this yumminess…auwa it was not fair…not fair at all
Eugene:”uhm…i….i was not expecting you” he was in shorts….lord and some lose shirt and some sandals…his outfit was not charming or anything like that but lord I was knocked up
Me:” uhm hi” i swallowed
Eugene:” hi” he half smiled
Eugene:” he is sleeping?” he was looking at my son
Me:” yeah”
Eugene:” come on in” he let me in and then closed the door
Eugene:” can i….take him to bed?”
Me:” I don’t want to wake him so you can just show me which room i am going use”
Eugene:” yeah of course, I guess we can’t pretend anymore” he gave out a faint smile
Me:”yeah we can’t” damn the atmosphere was tense. He walked up the stairs and I followed him. We passed his bedroom…well the bedroom I once shared with him. We went to the spare one
Eugene:” I guess this will do”
Me:” thank you” he said opening a bedroom door, i walked in and put my son on the bed and i didn’t cover him with anything because it was quite warm
Me:” uhm just so we understand each other…I only came because Tebogo begged plus i had to give you your car back” jeez what was that? I was struggling to breathe
Eugene:” I get it...as for the car, you can keep it” i didn’t want to start arguing with him about who gets to keep that car so i let it slide
Me:” cool then”
We walked to the door and the mistake that happened is that his hand touched mine as we were both reaching for the door
Eugene:” s…so…rry” he said looking at me and I looked at him too. I could feel that my stomach was already in knots…breathing was a struggle and within a split second Eugene broke the eye contact and walked out and then pulled me out into the passage and closed the bedroom door. He then quickly bent down to kiss me and did I stop him? Or boy did I stop him? Well I didn’t, I wanted him as much as he wanted me.
So I kissed him back and damn the taste of his tongue inside my mouth damn it what was I feeling? My body was doing things I couldn’t understand...was it excitement? He pinned me against the wall and kissed me so hard. At that moment i had my Eugene back, at that moment i didn’t care about the lousy feds, at that moment i didn’t care if he was selling drugs and doing whatever...at that moment i wanted to own him and i wanted him to own me. He stopped and looked straight into my eyes
Me:” don’t stop” I whispered
With that go ahead i just granted him...He didn’t waste anymore second. He scooped me up and kissed my neck as he walk to his bedroom with me wrapped around his body. He threw me on the body and took off his shirt. How I missed his body…he came on to me again and kissed my neck and then all the way to my ears…all I could do was moan and ran my hands around his body and inside his pants….he was ready. He ran his tongue across my chest and played with my breasts a bit and then slid all the way down…looking at him I could see how hungry he was. So he slid my jeans down without as much as a struggle…I guess the word ‘struggle’ doesn’t exist when someone is determined to do something. He then opened my legs apart and he buried himself in there…people I died and woke and the brother was still busy down there. I felt my body charging up…I could feel that i was electrified…he stopped and looked at me
Eugene:” you still love me?” what? Why was he asking that? He continued and then he looked up at me again…
Eugene:” tell me you still feel the same Andani please….please” he buried himself in me and did things that left me breathless
Me:’i….l….i love you…Eu…Eugene” I said as I came and he stopped what he was doing and climbed on top of me and hugged me so tight
Eugene:’ I love you more” he whispered on my ears. I could hear the heavy breathing of his heart against mine...after few seconds he broke the embrace and sat on the bed and then stood up…ok can somebody stop him please? Or tell me this is some sick joke….
Me:”and now?”
Eugene:” we can’t”
Me:”huh?” I sat on the bed not really understanding what the brother was saying
Eugene:” I love you too much and now I know you still love me too but you hate what I am and this…the sex….it will only hurt you….and me. If we make love Andi, I want it to be because we’ve accepted each other. I can’t be having sex with you and still have you walk out of my life, I am not strong enough to deal with something like that....unless...unless something has changed” i slowly shook my head
Me:” nothing has”
Eugene:” cool then” he took his tee and wore it and then walked out of the room.

Life as we know it
Insert 94
I quickly wore my jeans and walked out following him. i found him walking down the stairs and i followed
Me:” Eugene” i called out as soon as i made it down
Eugene:” uhm...i...i will go somewhere, i will be back when Tebogo is back...she went to the mall to buy few things”
Me:” so you are just going leave me here?”
Eugene:” it’s not like it’s your first time in the house Andi...i just....i can’t be in this house alone with you, i don’t want to do things that we will regret later”
Me:” i know i won’t” I mumbled, he gave me a faint smile
Eugene:’ well right now you are thinking with your...uhm”
Me:” vagina?”
Eugene:” yeah that” well i was offended, he thought i wasn’t thinking straight and just wanted to get laid. Which must have been true because i knew in my heart that i still didn’t want to get back together but right now i wanted the sex
Me:” ow”
Eugene:” you took off the ring” i could see the pain through his eyes as he was looking at my hands
Me:” i had to”
Eugene:” ok uhm i will be back shortly, i know Tebogo is not going to take long”
Me:” and how long do you plan on running away from this”
Eugene:” not for long because you are leaving on Sunday i am guessing” the hell? Eugene really wanted me out of here huh? So he was just counting down to Sunday so that i’ll be gone and he’ll be moving on with his precious life?
Me:” so, you’ve met someone?” well i didn’t mean to say that one out loud but i guess the words escaped my mouth before i could have a chance to stop them. He looked at me and laughed out loud...like really i felt stupid and dumb but at the same time i was trying to figure out why he was laughing. Was he laughing because it was a stupid question? Or because he already had met someone?
Eugene:” have you?” how insane...why will i be meeting anyone else so soon? The thought haven’t even crossed my mind
Me:” of course not”
Eugene:” well you got your answer, i am still very much single and since you don’t plan on taking me back, i plan to be for a while”
Me:” ok” i was nodding…at least he was still single…that’s what I wanted
Eugene:’ that’s good enough?”
Me:’ what?”
Eugene:” me being alone”
Me:” i don’t know” i sat on the couch, well I knew that it was good enough
Eugene:” see you in a while” he walked out of the house and left me sitting there. I breathed as soon as he walked out. I felt like stopping him and tell him that we could try and make it work but i couldn’t. This was bigger than just me and him being together....he killed my son’s father, how in a world was i ever going to forget something like that? He do things, criminal things...how do i stay with someone like him? i was still in love with him, there was no question about that but i couldn’t be with him.

I walked to the car and took my bags to the bedroom i was going to share with my son. When i came back downstairs i found Tebogo, Thebeleng and a girl i didn’t know unpacking some groceries in the kitchen
Thabeleng:” ow my word look who is here” she said running to me while giggling, i opened my arms for her
Me:” hey sweety love” i said as soon as she landed in my arms
Thabeleng:” oww my God you really came, i am so excited right now” she said after breaking the hug and waved her one hand in the air as if trying to get some air
Me:’ you are way too dramatic” i laughed, she took my hand and we walked to the kitchen
Thaby:” dramatic? You are my mom” she said hanging on to me. Tebogo walked to me and pushed Thaby away and gave me her hug
Tebogo:” you made it” she hugged me
Thaby:” what is wrong with you?” she said trying to balance herself
Me:’ seriously?” we broke the hug and she squeezed my hand
Tebogo:” thank you so much love, this means the world to me” she hugged me again
Me:” it’s only a pleasure” partying ways with these girls was going to be difficult...they were fond of me and i gotta say that i loved them too
Tebogo:” oww uhm this is my besty Pretty”
Me:’ hey Pretty, you look pretty” we all giggled as i hug Tebogo’s friend
Thabeleng:” so, what did you bring for us?”
Me:” just my son”
“What?” Tebogo and Thabeleng said at the same time
Me:” uh huh” i couldn’t stop giggling
Thabeleng:’ where is he?”
Me:” the spare bedroom close to Eugene’s room”
Tebogo:’ why is he in a spare bedroom?” She looked at me and then noticed Thabeleng running and she followed her. They left me and Pretty in stitches of laughter
Pretty:” they really love you” she smiled standing next to me
Me:’ you think so?”
Pretty:” i don’t think, i know...they have been talking about you the whole day today, that’s why i couldn’t wait to see the woman of the house” i gave her a faint smile realising that i wasn’t going to be part of their lives for long.
Me:” i feel just the same about them” Eugene walked in right at that moment and Thabeleng was coming back carrying grumpy Omphu...the poor child was sleeping when they woke him up so obviously he wasn’t going to be friendly
Eugene:” please tell me you didn’t wake him from his sleep” he said as soon as he saw Thabeleng with Omphu
Thabeleng:” Eugene we wanted to see him”
Tebogo:” you have 10 minutes with him and then it’s my turn”
Eugene:’ and after that he will be playing soccer with daddy” my stomach grumbled at the statement. His real daddy was gone and the man claiming to love me was responsible
Pretty:’ uhm, Tebogo i will leave you to have some family time neh...i will come first thing tomorrow morning”
Tebogo:’ you are leaving now?’
Pretty:’ dude i am tired”
Tebobo:” ok let me walk you out” Tebogo walked out with her friend
Thebeleng:” ow my God Andi can i steal him? like stay with him here” she looked at me with her serious face
Eugene:’ hell no”
Thabeleng:” ahg mtzm ok...anyway hey punchununu, hey boy boy” he just looked at her without smiling
Me:” he is not used to you plus you just woke him up”
Thabeleng:’ and that’s why i need to spend more time with him don’t you think?” Tebogo come back
Tebogo:’ your 10 minutes is up...bring him here?”
Thabeleng:’ no its not”

We all went to the lounge and sat there. Ok so after Thabeleng had spent some few minutes with Omphu she handed him to Tebogo. Tebogo played with him and then Eugene took him and disappeared saying that he wanted to play with him in his bedroom
Thabeleng:” see, he hijacked the baby”
Me:” don’t worry love i am still here tomorrow as well....so Tebz what’s the plan tomorrow?”
Tebogo:” well Uncle Tom is coming with two more uncles to run the whole thing...i think us ladies will just be busy in the kitchen”
Me:” i don’t mind that” i said suddenly feeling excited
Thabeleng:” where is your ring?” She was looking at my hands. I took off my ring few weeks back
Me:” uhm...i” i couldn’t even explain
Tebogo:” did Eugene saw that you don’t have it?” She whispered
Thabeleng:” oww my word, don’t tell me you lost it?” She was whispering too. I took a deep breath and decided that there was no need for me to hide this anymore. They were going to find out sooner or later I mean it’s not like i was going to share a room with Eugene so they were going to question that as well
Me:” i don’t even know how to say this”
Tebogo:” say what?”
Me:” uhm we are not engaged anymore”
Thaby:” what?”
Tebogo:’ what do you mean you are not engaged anymore?”
Me:” we....we are not together anymore”
Tebogo:’ noooo Andani nooo”
Thabeleng:” Andani why? What happened?” For the first time i had them calling my full name
Me:” i can’t discuss the details with you but...things didn’t work out”
Thabeleng:” did he ruin this?” She was near tears
Me:” Thabeleng i rather not talk about this...i am sorry”
Thaby:” I can’t believe you did this to me” she got up and stomped out of the room, i got up and followed her
Me:” Thaby” she walked up the stairs and to Eugene’s bedroom. I got there and instead of walking in i stood at the door
Thabeleng:” how could you? How could you do this to me Eugene?”
Eugene:” Do what? Thabeleng i am having a moment with my son here”
Thaby:” your son my foot, you are not even with his mother anymore...Eugene why?”
Eugene:’ what? How did you know about that?”
Thaby:’ she told us” he went quiet
Thaby:” you are not going to say anything? Did she also betray you or this time around it was you?” She was crying, why was she crying though? This was our break up not hers
Eugene:” i am not discussing this with you”
Thaby:’ like hell you aren’t...do you have any idea how i am feeling right now Eugene? You brought her into our lives, made us love her....you made me believe that at least we could have a real thing, a real family and now you’re just going to take that away from me and not explain?” She was crying and shouting
Eugene:” i am sorry sweety i really am but she doesn’t want me anymore ok? I can’t force her to be with me”
Thaby:” why? Unless you did something to her”
Eugene:” Thaby don’t cry”
Thaby:” what happened Eugene?”
Eugene:” i did something and ....it’s done, i am sorry but it’s done” maybe this is not something that I was supposed to listen to
Thaby:” for the first time in my life since our parents died i actually believed i could have someone to stand in for mom...yes Tebogo had been there for me but Andi...she was like my mom Eugene....it felt good to call her and chat to her and laugh with her....i thought we could be a family,. I thought she was going to be the first person I’d introduce to my boyfriend....i thought she’d be the one I’d tell my problems to but guess what....you took all of that away from me” ok i wanted to cry....in fact i had tears on my eyes, I quickly wiped them off
Eugene:” i am so sorry”
Thaby:” sorry? I don’t know how you are going to do it Eugene, make it work....i can’t lose yet another person in my life....first it was mom and dad, then Kat and now Andani? No i can’t” she broke down
Eugene:” Thaby you are not a child anymore and i can’t lie to you and say it’s going to be fine because it’s not....Andani and me are over and i am really sorry about that”
Thaby:” i hate you”
After few seconds the door opened and then she walked out of the room crying and walked down the stairs. Damn she was not supposed to find me standing there listening on in her conversation with her brother. I was trying to walk away when Eugene walked out carrying my son
Eugene:” where you listening?” shame he was hurt, i could see it in his face. I nodded, I couldn’t lie to him
Me:” i am sorry i listened”
Eugene:” nah i am sorry you heard that....don’t let her pressurise you, i will deal with my sister. She gets attached way too quickly, i am sorry” he gave me a hurtful smile and walked down the stairs
Tebogo:” i think she left”
Eugene:” do you know where to?”
Tebogo:” just let her be for a while” Eugene breathed
Tebogo:” so you guys...you are really over? Why though?”
Eugene:” Tebogo please not you too”
Tebogo:” i don’t know who did what to who but damn guys you ruined everything” she walked to the door
Me:” where are you going now?”
Tebogo:” i don’t know Andi...but i will be back tomorrow morning” what the hell is wrong with these kids? Why they gotta act like it’s their parents getting a divorce...people break up, they didn’t have to be dramatic about it
Me:” uhm Eugene i-“
Eugene:” just...don’t” he breathed and walked up the stairs. The hell?

Life as we know it
Insert 95
So Eugene had been in the bedroom with my son for more than an hour already. I wanted to go check on my son although he wasn’t crying but i decided not to...Eugene seemed a bit angry so maybe it was safe for me to stay away. I went to the kitchen and noticed that there was no cooked food and no one seemed interested so i decided to start cooking right away. I was starting with the pots when Eugene walked down holding my son
Eugene:” uhm do you have his food? Or should i go buy?”
Me:” oww here, i am gonna have to warm them up first” i said opening the fridge because that’s where i had put the food i brought
Eugene:” i will warm them up” he held out a hand
Me:” you’re sure?”
Eugene:” seriously?” he seemed angry, why was he angry at me? We broke up and that’s not new. I gave him the container and he put my son down and put it on the microwave and stood there waiting
Me:” are you angry with me?” He looked at me and not say a word
Me:” Eugene?”
Eugene:” yes i am very angry at you Andani? Why did you decide to tell my sisters about us without telling me first?”
Me:” but Eugene they were bound to find out, you should have told them a long time ago...it’s not like we broke up today”
Eugene:” i honestly have no interest in arguing with you so let’s just let it go” he always does this, always avoiding talking
Me:” but you are still angry”
Eugene:” it doesn’t matter now does it?”
Me:” it matters to me”
Me:’ ahg don’t worry about it Andani i am not gonna go on a killing spree so you can chill, that’s probably what you’ve been worried about” the microwave made a ping sound and he took the container and the spoon and took my son and then walked to the lounge

I decided to let him be and start with my cooking. I cooked enough food for everyone; i was not sure if Tebogo and Thabeleng were going to decide to come back but better to have enough food. When i was done cooking it was past 5 in the evening. I figured that i should bath my son before it gets too dark. Eugene was no longer in the lounge so I walked up to Eugene’s room and found him dressing Omphu into a new outfit
Me:” uhm where you...?” i couldn’t even finish my sentence because i was seriously shocked
Eugene:” I bathed him yes, i hope you don’t mind”
Me:” and you went through my bags for his clothes and toiletries?”
Eugene:’ you were busy in the kitchen, plus i didn’t break anything” well i was not too happy about him going through my bags but i couldn’t possibly be angry with him. The guy was just sweet...I was melting at the thought that he actually thought of bathing my son. It was not just about what he did but about the fact that he actually thought about it. Eugene was a keeper, that’s if we put everything else aside. He was the man i had always dreamt of, why did he have to be a criminal though?
Me:” thanks for bathing him”
Eugene:” it’s my pleasure” i started feeling emotional
Me:’ how do you do it?”
Eugene:’ do what?” He finished dressing Omphu and put him on the floor, my boy walked to me
Me:” being this sweet and loving person that i just wanna love and spend the rest of my life with and then also be....the criminal, the killer and the drug dealer”
Eugene:” i don’t see the reason to let you into my world again or to tell you things about me when i know for sure there is never going to be us...so i can’t answer that” mean, that was plain mean. I took my son who was busy hugging my legs
Me:” so you can’t tell me anything else about you?”
Eugene:” no”
Me:” ok...uhm can you have him for a while longer, i wanna take a shower”
Eugene:’ sure, i will drive to the mall for five minutes...got to get him some toys...why didn’t you bring any?”
Me:” i think i forgot...do you think it’s a good idea?”
Eugene:” Of course it’s a good idea, all kids love toys”
Me:” no i mean you spending so much time with him and buying him things....we are leaving on Sunday and chances are you will never see us again” tjooo my heart sank at the thought...it actually ached, the thought that i might not see Eugene ever again hurts
Eugene:” if i can handle losing his mom then i sure as hell can handle losing him” he took my son from me without saying anything else and walked out of the room.

I was left standing there feeling a little bit confused. I was sure about one thing though....i still loved Eugene and lord i wanted to be with him, but....well a very big but was that i didn’t think i could live with knowing everything that i knew about him. i walked out of his room and to my room to take some toiletries and then head to the shower. I must have stood in the shower with water dripping on me for an hour thinking about everything in my life and what i planned to do. After a long time i got out and walked to my room with the towel wrapped around my body. I got to my room and changed into PJs and some sleepers. I went to the bathroom and combed my hair; i had my own natural hair so i tied them up and applied a bit of make-up. I guess I was doing all that for Eugene. So after that i walked out and i ran to him in the passage
Me:” you are back already?”
Eugene:” been back for about 30 minutes”
Me:’” where is Omphu?”
Eugene:” he fell asleep so he is sleeping in my room”
Me:” and your sisters?”
Eugene:” not back yet”
Me:” ok come” i took his hand and pulled him to my room. Surprisingly, he didn’t fight me, he just willingly followed me. I closed the bedroom door and sat on the bed, he sat close to me
Me:” we need to talk like adults Eugene” well I had been thinking a lot about what I was about to do while in the shower. I had played out different scenarios about how I was going to do it
Eugene:” Talk about what?” I moved and faced him and looked him straight in the eyes
Me:” I need to hear more”
Eugene:” More?”
Me:” about you, I have proven to you that i will never talk so tell me more...and don’t even think of telling me that i don’t deserve to know anymore because i think i do” he shook his head and smiled
Eugene:” are you serious? Andani you can’t handle what you already know and now you want to know more?”
Me:” please”
Eugene:” what do you wanna know then?” he got up and sat on the couch and looked at me. Was he serious? I didn’t think that it was going to be easy; i thought i was going to have to put up a fight for him to tell me
Me:” where did you go when you left the country?” he raised his brows
Eugene:” you were really dying to know weren’t you?”
Me:” i was”
Eugene:” i went to Mexico....after everything that’s happened, i needed to see paps and grams...Rod’s parents”
Me:” ow, you didn’t tell me anything about them” i felt relief washing over me, at least he wasn’t busy killing people
Eugene:” you freaked out, i never got the chance to tell you everything”
Me:” so how was it?”
Eugene:” well it was fine...grams was busy rehabilitating me...she felt that maybe i would relapse”
Me:” rehabilitating...as in you are a drug addict?” no no no, he can’t be an addict, that’s just worse, so Eugene is a junkie too?
Eugene:” nahh not that, maybe something worse”
Me:” what’s worse than drugs?” i was now curious. Several things crossed my mind, sex addict? Alcoholic?
Eugene:” you ran away when i told you so little about me, i don’t think you will handle this”
Me:” you have nothing to lose now...i am not yours anymore so you can tell me...you can’t lose me twice” i swallowed as i ask myself if i really wanted to know his addiction...and another thing is that i was really impressed by my own braveness, i never thought i could pull this off.
Eugene:” you don’t want to know”

He got up and walked to the window and opened the curtains and stared outside. I got up and walked to him
Me:” i want to, i want to know the person I’ve been dating”
Eugene:” do you really want to?” He looked at me and held my face with both his hands, i nodded, he swallowed before telling me and that scared me....he looked me straight in my eyes
Eugene:” i love to torture people” huh
Me:” how?” my heart was jumping out of my chest by now, who enjoys torturing people? He smiled
Eugene:” i love to make people bleed, to cut them with whatever weapon i have at my disposal...i usually use the machines they use for cutting wood and stuff...damn the sound of someone screaming in pain combined with the sound of a grander gives me pleasure i cannot explain...it makes me happy” lord i started shaking right away...who the hell was this? What was wrong with him? Who enjoy something like that? I stood there unable to talk or let alone open my mouth...moving was not to be spoken of
Eugene:” grams think it’s a sickness, she thinks i am sick and that’s why i do it. So after you, i was out of place obviously so she had to try and put the animal on the leash...the leash that you threw away” he said that and walked away and stood a bit far from me. My mouth was trembling, i couldn’t do anything, i was petrified. I don’t know what i expected when i started talking to him but i definitely didn’t expect this...this was way beyond anything i could have expected
Eugene:” See? I told you that you don’t want to know and now you can’t un-know this”
Me:” but....why do you do it?” i said turning around and looking at him as i let tears fall
Eugene:” it makes me feel good, it gives me great pleasure, it fills up every empty hole in my life....i don’t do it to just anyone...i have my class of people and i love watching them helpless and in pain....i don’t mind cutting off their limbs one by one and watch them beg me for mercy” i closed my ears and just didn’t want to hear anymore...it was too much,....imagine slaughtering people alive....oww my God what kind of an animal is he?
Me:” so it’s the only thing that matters in your life? I mean if you addicted to something then it means that that’s what your life revolves around” i was trembling and suddenly feeling cold
Eugene:” not anymore....that was until i met you that day in town...you changed my life, made me focus on something else other than my father’s clones” i was seriously honoured to know that i made him better but he said something on that line that really took my attention
Me:” your father’s clones”
Eugeen:” those are the kind of men i torture....the women abusers...the violent ones at their homes.....the emotional pain they cause their families is at some point irreversible so i cause them the physical one. I make them look vulnerable, i make them beg, i make them weak....i make them feel everything that they make their families suffer....sometimes i get carried away and kill them but sometimes i don’t” my heart crushed and i could physically hear it breaking. I couldn’t stop the tears in my eyes; i couldn’t stop myself from trembling. I learned something at that moment....his parents broke him; his dad broke him beyond repair. This was all his father’s fault. He was doing all this because he didn’t get the chance to torture his dad for the pain he caused his family so now he go around torturing everyone who do what his father used to do.

Me:” you didn’t have to do all that you know” i was trying to wipe off the tears
Eugene:” it was the only way i knew how to move on from the pain and anger i carried with me every day....but now that’s all you....you are that thing to me, you are the one that gives me satisfaction” he looked away. I looked at him and i saw a different person...i saw a broken man who needed nothing but love
Eugene:” i didn’t know this until i met you but the thing i was missing in my life was true love....i think i needed that, i just didn’t know it...you offered me that and damn Andani i loved you with everything in me...i still do” i covered my face trying not to think about the pain that my presence here must have been bringing him....what if i had triggered him to relapse
Me:” so have you....” i couldn’t say the words
Eugene:” no, as shocking as it might sound, i still have hope....as long as you are still alive i will always have hope that one day you’ll be mine again and that’s enough to keep me away from the blood”
Me:” i don’t even know what to say”
Eugene:” say you’ll make me better, say you’ll love me Andi, say you’ll overlook everything and just make me better...you can make me better....you have the ability to do that. All the stuff i do, i do them because it’s the only life i know, it’s what was around me when i was growing up but....you can show me a different kind of world...the world that we were once part of few months ago.....you can save me” so he was begging me to get back with him?
Me:” Eugene....i...”
Eugene:” its fine you can’t, i get it”
Me:” i will try” i said the words slowly and in a very low tone....i had no idea what saying those three little words meant, i was not sure yet but i said them and i meant them. I didn’t even know what i was getting myself into but i guess i would figure it out. If loving him cwuld save all the lives of people he would torture then...it was worth it. Who am i kidding, is that why i was doing this? Or i was just in love and couldn’t help myself?
Eugene:” what?”
Me:” i will try” i said almost in a whisper. He quickly came to me and hugged me so tight. He didn’t say anything, he just squeezed the life out of me and then i heard him sob, at that moment i don’t think there was still a piece of my heart that was still intact, everything was broken.